You need to be more conscientious about the things that occupy your mind, and draw upon your energies within.
Yes life the last few years have been hard. You have lost a great deal, and endured a hurricane of changes, but you can not give up.
If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things. ~Rene Descartes
You need to find vision within yourself once more. A path, and direction, that will lead you to inspiration, motivation, and purpose. You need to be able to look back at the work you have created and be able to say “I did that! I made that, and it was/is mine.”
Yes, I know you had that once, and the work you did, and the people you helped was incredible. However, all things, both good and bad, must eventually come to an end.
All things deteriorate in time. ~Virgil
Now it is up to you to find a new vision and purpose in life. Something you can build that will endure.
I know for a fact you have had enough of distractions, temptations, excuses, and failures. There is potential within you to achieve great things. Worthy things.
So go out and find something to give yourself over to, and give it your all.
One way or another, we all have to find what best fosters the flowering of our humanity in this contemporary life, and dedicate ourselves to that. ~Joseph Campbell